R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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