so explain again why im purple
no
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
