he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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