He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
