it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
