She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
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When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
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If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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