its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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