it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize