Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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