we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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