he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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