wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
