Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
