I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this just has baby written all over it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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