the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
there is glitter all over my balls
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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