To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
