I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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