1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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