i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
