If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
