I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
These tits shall not be calmed
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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