I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
