I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
