I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
