If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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