i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
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Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
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You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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