I hate all girls vehemently.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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