I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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