I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you inspire me to be a worse person
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
