Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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