So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
