That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
