So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
