Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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