Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You left your phone here
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