I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
