Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We don't watch enough power rangers
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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