Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
