once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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