There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
