He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
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Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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