My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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