11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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