so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
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Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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