it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
