Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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