and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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