Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
