Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
