There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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