Don't you send me to vm
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Who died my cat blue again?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
