He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
