It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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