I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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