It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
