I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
