i would punch a child for taco bell
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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