She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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