It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
