I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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