is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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