theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
