I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
